Welcome ghouls, beasts, tricksters, and every horrific being known to man. The spooky season is upon us and I figured I would indulge in the festivities in my own way. Thus, I have come up with a satirical take on horror games and “would you rather” scenarios. That being said, which horror video game would you rather try to survive?
1. Until Dawn – Blackwood Mountain
If you’ve been looking for a chilling vacation spot, then I have just the place for you, Blackwood Mountain. Join a group of friends Josh, Sam, Chris, Ashley, Emily, Matt, Mike, and Jessica as they head up the mountain to party like they never have before. Explore the spacious estate which includes a family-owned lodge, a getaway guest cabin, a spooky hotel, menacing clifftops, an abandoned sanatorium, a labyrinth of mines that are just to die for, and more! During this interactive drama, you will come across masked psychos, flame throwers, mythological creatures, and bone-chilling decisions. You are only a cable car away from this indecisive yet exciting night. Just remember, you can’t leave once you get there… you must survive Until Dawn.
2. Five Nights At Freddy’s – Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza
Hungry for some pizza? Want a job for roughly four dollars an hour? You’re in luck! Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza is hiring for a new security guard position for five nights a week with availability from 12:00 am to 6:00 am. This job includes monitoring the pizzeria through a camera system all while making sure the power does not go out. Did I mention that possessed animatronics will try to attack you? Keeping an eye out and closing doors is the best way to survive the night in this horrific pizzeria. Freddy Fazbear, Chica, Foxy, and Bonnie all haunt this demented pizzeria at their own possessed will. If you survive each night, at the beginning of the next shift, you will hear a pre-recorded message that gives you helpful information for the coming events. If all five nights are met with success, then you will be rewarded with your paycheck and you will be expected to do it all over again the following week. Would you be up for this job?
3. P.T. – Suburban House
Calling all house hunters in the area! A previously occupied suburban home is now up for sale. This wonderful abode comes with an L-shaped corridor, two rooms, one bathroom, and an unknown second floor. If you’re on the fence about buying the house feel free to come over for a visit. This first-person survival horror awaits you with bug-infested rooms, old writings on the wall, and a fridge filled with all sorts of surprises. Oh, just one more thing. Stay away from the sink, will ya?
4. Resident Evil 7: Biohazard – The Baker Ranch
The Baker Family invites you to come vacation with us on our spacious property. Located in Dulvey, Louisiana, our ranch is surrounded by an exquisite swampland that has hidden salt mines. Trust us, every night is an adventure! We welcome solo travelers, groups of friends, solo travelers, couples that want a fun night out, and did I mention solo travelers? While vacationing on the ranch you are more than welcome to check out the different kinds of buildings that we have on our property. We have a wonderful greenhouse, a lively boathouse, a decommissioned guest house, and a testing area… I mean barn. My wife’s name is Marguerite, my son is Lucas, and I’m Jack. We’re all extremely excited to welcome you onto the ranch. After you arrive we will sit down for a special meal and get to know one another. I promise that the dinner will be to die for.
5. Outlast – Mount Massive Asylum
Attention all aspiring journalists! The story of a lifetime has just arrived! Rumor has it that illegal experiments are happening to the patients at Mount Massive Asylum. If you’ve been waiting for the opportunity to break into the journalism industry then this is the story for you. This asylum is a bit daunting as there are many confusing locations within its walls. These locations include a courtyard, hospital, sewers, prison blocks, and more. It is also believed to have an underground lab. While searching for evidence please make sure to be mindful of the patients wandering the halls of the asylum. These variants, or patients, so to say, seem to act a bit “different”. Don’t forget to bring your camcorder and extra batteries! Running out of battery power would be like losing a finger… or two!
6. Alien: Isolation – Sevastopol Station
The power is out, everyone is gone, and screams are coming from down the hall. There is no escape unless you count the vacuum of space as one. It’s rumored that some kind of monster is wreaking havoc around the station. It’s up to you to figure out what kind of monster is out there and to dispose of any threats to the station. Access to the station will start off limited, but feel free to make your way through the Lorenz SysTech Spire, SciMed Tower, and Solomons Habitation Tower. Please be mindful of the Working Joe androids, they may seem friendly at first, but their bright red eyes will say otherwise. Also, while exploring the station, feel free to help yourself to our motion tracker and flamethrowers. Just don’t lose them or it’s game over, man!
Limbs have been severed, risks have been taken, and enemy AI has been triggered. After taking a peak into each one of these different video games, the question still stands. Which horror video game would you rather try to survive? Would it be the freezing Blackwood Mountain from Until Dawn? Or the insane family from Resident Evil 7: Biohazard? I look forward to your choices!
Did I miss your favorite horror game? Let me know what it is and I might include it in the next one!